You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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