when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
