His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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