is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
