We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
