Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
