Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize