You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
