exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I looked at my own cervix.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
