i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
