I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
