Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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