if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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