it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
