he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
