Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize