You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
