Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
