When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
