I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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