if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
