I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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