I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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