dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
soo... how was my night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
