no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
