I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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