Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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