when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
