I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
