apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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