He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
