I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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