I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
