So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
