the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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