She said her name was "party"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
jump out the window naked night went bad
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
