So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
