You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
