if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize