You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
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