you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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