Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
