If that was your dad, he is hot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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