Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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