so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
