Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had sex on a dog bed..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
