oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
