DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
