Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
