and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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