I puked a lego.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
