Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
