It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
