The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
