All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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