Just fell off a train. Bad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
