Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
