Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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