: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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