I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize