if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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