I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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