I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize