I just threw up on my dentist
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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