i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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