Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
