at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
