maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
