remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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