Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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