I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize