Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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