Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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