She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I want to fling myself into the sun
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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