We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
