Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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