Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
