its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
