I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
