I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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