If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
