Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
