Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
