Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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