Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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