Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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