you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
