WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
