Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
