We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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