I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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