Dual....:-)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
