Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize