How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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