lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
