remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
