If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
