I wanna passion pit in your ass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize