I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
