How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
