Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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