My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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