I think I died a long time ago.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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